


Like Father, Like Son

by GinnyK



Series: Peering into the Future [3]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Cute Kids, Family, fathers and sons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:53:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3627303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like fathers and sons before them, Josh and Jake clash at every turn</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jake Lyman came through the front door in a flurry of books and basketball gear. Jessie followed behind with his own backpack and the mail he had remembered to take out of the mailbox.

"MOM....MOM," yelled Jake as he dropped his stuff in the foyer and headed for the kitchen. Not getting an answer or finding his mother he headed for the study. He found Donna on the phone, a pencil and the phone in one hand and the other held up in a gesture that Jake knew to mean, "don't even think about talking to me now."

He stopped short and turned back down the hallway to find and probably torture his younger brother. Ten minutes later Donna found the two of them in the kitchen getting a snack.

"Hey guys, how was school?" she asked as she kissed each of their blond heads.

"Good, I got a 100 on my vocabulary test." said Jessie proudly.

"Great, keep it up, you'll get a higher score than you father on the SAT's," teased Donna.

"The SA what?" asked Jessie as he dunked his apple in the bowl of peanut butter in front of him.

"Never mind. Jake, what time do you have basketball practice?" she asked as she took the basketball from her oldest son before he started dribbling it in the middle of the kitchen floor.

"Five. Are you taking me?"

"No, Ben'll have to take you. I have a cocktail party tonight," sighed Donna, not really wanting to go back into the city. But working for Senator Fernandez she was required to be at a certain number of these things. And tonight's was looking to be rather boring.

"Why does Ben have to take me? Why can't Dad do it?" asked Jake with a true Lyman whine in his voice.

"Dad can take you, you'll just have to walk." said Donna.

Jake let out a frustrated sigh. "It's not fair. Why doesn't Dad drive?"

Now it was Donna's turn to sigh. "Jake you know the answer to that. Since the stroke his reflexes aren't quick enough. And that's never going to change, you know that."

"But all the other Dads drive and play basketball." said Jake as he crossed his arms over his chest.

By this time Jessie had wisely decided to finish his apples and peanut butter in the family room.

"That's true, but you know that Daddy just can't do those things. Why have you been complaining about this lately? It's been two years since his stroke."

Jake just shrugged his shoulders. "It's not fair."

"No, it's not. But you do plenty of things with your Dad that other kids don't get a chance to do. How many of your friends have been on Air Force One, how many call President Bartlet "Uncle Jed?"

"None," muttered Jake under his breath. "But I still wish Dad drove and stuff."

"Daddy wishes that too, but it's not going to happen. He's accepted it and it's time you did too," said Donna sternly trying her best to remember that as articulate and as bright as Jake was, he was still just a little boy on the verge of turning 9.

"But it still sucks!" said Jake as his hand flew up to his mouth.

Donna quickly counted to three in her head. "Jacob Leo Lyman, we do not talk that way in this house," she said calmly. "You are old enough to know that life is not always fair. Look around you, you're not exactly living a life of horror around here." she sighed. "Look, I have to get ready for the party and you need to do your homework. Do you want to walk with Daddy or do you want Ben to drive you?"

"Ben can drive me," he muttered as he slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed for his room.

Donna walked to the foyer to pick up the sweatshirt one of the boys had dropped. Out of the corner of her eye she saw some movement on the porch. Her heart sank as she realized Josh had been out there the whole time. She glanced at the kitchen windows, they were wide open. There was no way Josh could have missed what just happened.

She pushed the screen door open and went outside. Josh was on the swing, staring across the length of the porch. His cane was in his hand idly banging against the floor. His backpack was next to him on the swing. He didn't say anything when Donna came out. She crossed over to him and waited for him to stop the swing. He did and she moved the backpack out of the way so she could sit next to him.

Not able to come up with any words to make the situation better Donna settled for putting her arm around Josh and kissing his forehead. With a deep sigh he settled his head down on her shoulder. They sat there swinging in silence for a while until Donna knew she was cutting her time really close.

"I have to get ready for the thing." she whispered as she ran her fingers through his unruly graying hair. 

Josh nodded against her shoulder and sat up. "It'll be ok," she said softly as she helped him to his feet.

Donna went to get ready and Josh headed for the kitchen. He grabbed a can of soda and hunted in the fridge for something to make for dinner. Jake flew into the room, clearly not expecting to see his father. He tried to backtrack but failed.

"Uh, Hi Dad," muttered Jake as he reached around Josh to grab a bottle of water to take to practice with him. "You just get home?"

Part of Josh wanted to lie and say yes, but the part that wanted his son to know he had heard him won out. "No, I've been home for a while. I was out on the front porch." he answered in such a voice that Jake knew he had heard everything.

As tough as Jake wanted people to think he was, he was still just a little boy. And as angry as he had been before he was now horrified that he had upset his father. He just stared at Josh, not knowing what to say. Josh could see the little tears of embarrassment and shame start to show in the corners of his oldest son's eyes. 

"It's ok." said Josh as he held out his arms. Jake dropped the water on the floor and wrapped his arms around Josh's waist. He buried his face into soft worn cotton of Josh's shirt. Josh held him tightly, trying to control his own emotions. Finally Josh kissed the top of his head and tipped up Jake's chin. "Ben will be here soon. Get ready for practice, we can talk later."

Jake sniffed a little and nodded. He picked up the water and headed to change. "I'm sorry Dad," he said quietly from the doorway.

"I know."

Josh wiped his own eyes with the back of his hand and drained the can of soda. He pitched it into the recycling can in the corner. He started a pot of water to make some spaghetti for himself and Jessie. He made a quick salad and tossed a loaf of garlic bread in the oven. By the time Donna came out ready for the dinner he was sitting on the counter, thinking. Ben and Jake had just left and Jessie was still doing his homework.

Josh whistled when Donna entered the room.

"You like?" she asked as she slowly twirled around in her royal blue dress.

"Oh yeah."

"Enough to throw on your tuxedo and come with me?" teased Donna.

"Hell no," smirked Josh.

Donna crossed the room and took him by the hands, checking quickly to make sure he wasn't covered in tomato sauce. "I'm clean," he laughed as he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to stand in between his knees. He softly kissed her lips, mindful of the time and effort she had just spent on her makeup. Donna pulled back from the kiss and took a good look at her husband.

"Jake knows you heard," she said quietly, the sentence coming out somewhere between a question and a statement.

Josh nodded and pulled her close once more, dropping his head to her shoulder.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," came Josh's ragged reply. He kissed her bare shoulder and looked over it to see Jessie in the doorway, carrying what looked like his math book. "Hey Jess, you need help?" he asked as he straightened up and Donna took a step back.

"Yeah," replied Jessie as he tossed the book on the counter and climbed up on one of the stools.

Josh sat next to him on the remaining stool as Donna said her goodbyes. Josh and Jessie ate and then finished up the homework. While Josh was doing the dishes Ben and Jake returned from practice. Ben got the leftovers out while Jake and Josh made some small talk about basketball. It was clear to Josh that Jake still felt bad about what happened but he didn't bring up the issue again that night.

It was after midnight before Donna came home. Josh had wanted to wait up for her but he had gotten so used to crashing by 11 at the latest that Donna found him asleep in the overstuffed chair in the corner of their bedroom. He was in his pajamas, glasses were still on and he had a stack of papers in his lap. She smiled as she kicked off her shoes and crossed the room. Carefully she removed the papers and his glasses before perching on the arm of the chair. She smoothed back his hair and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Josh, time for bed," she whispered as she shook his shoulder a little.

He mumbled something before cracking one eye open and smiling. "Time for bed?" he repeated trying in his exhausted state to leer, just a little.

Donna chuckled, "Yeah Joshua, time for bed, time to go to sleep."

Josh made a somewhat pouty face and let Donna help him to his feet and guide him towards the bed. By the time Donna came out of the bathroom 5 minutes later Josh was on his back snoring. She grinned as she climbed into bed next to him. Not in the mood to listen to the snoring she carefully rolled him onto his left side and wrapped her arms around him from behind.

The next few days were nothing really out of the ordinary for the Lyman household. Josh was busy finishing out the semester, Donna was busy with work and the boys were busy with school and their activities. The only thing that was different at all was Jake. He was mopey and uninterested in much of anything. He hadn't said anything directly to Josh but at the dinner table there always seemed to be conversations about his friends fathers and what they did with their sons, basketball, hiking, long drives. Josh was doing his best to just sound interested and not take things personally. And during any other month of the year that would have been easy but it was May. And during the month of May all emotions ran high in the Lyman household.

One dinner was particularly bad. It was about 2 weeks before the anniversary of the shooting, Donna was stuck at work and Ben and Josh were eating with the boys. Jake was talking non-stop about a father and son basketball game that was to be held in June. Josh was doing his best to control his emotions but it was clear to Ben that they were getting the best of him. After dinner the boys ran outside to play before it got dark, leaving Ben and Josh to clean up.

"Hey Josh you want me to take the boys out for a while, give you some time alone?" asked Ben as he loaded the dishwasher.

"No, I think I'll go out for a while." said Josh as he dried his hands and grabbed his cane.

"You need a ride, a cab?"

"Nah, I think I'll take the Metro into the city. Maybe catch up with Donna...wander around...I don't know." muttered Josh as he left the room.

Ben watched him go down the hallway with a frown. It was shaping up to be a long few weeks until the calendar changed from May to June.

Josh threw on a sweatshirt and his sneakers. He said a quick goodbye to the boys and headed for the Metro stop. It was only a few blocks from their house and the walk was good for him. He got off at Foggy Bottom and walked along the Potomac until he reached the Lincoln Memorial. He climbed halfway up the marble steps and stood to look at the massive statue at the top before sitting down to rest.

Meanwhile Donna had called home to check on things and had found out Josh had headed for the city. Ben apologized for not knowing exactly where Josh was headed. Donna assured him that she had a pretty good idea of where her husband was. Having taken the Metro herself that morning Donna hopped on at the Capitol South station and took it down to the Smithsonian. She walked past the Washington Monument and down the walkway towards Abe. There weren't too many people around the Lincoln Memorial and it wasn't hard for Donna to spot Josh on the steps.

She had a chance to get a good look at him before he noticed her. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees, his head propped up in his hands. He was looking straight ahead but it was clear he wasn't seeing anything, as he didn't notice Donna until she was only a few feet in front of him.

"Hey," he whispered as she leaned over to kiss him. "How'd you find me?"

"Joshua Lyman, where else would you be? For as long as I've known you you've always come to visit Abe when something's bothering you." said Donna as she gestured towards the top of the steps.

"Yeah, I guess I am a little predictable," he sighed as she sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulders.

"You wanna talk about it?"

Josh laughed bitterly for a second. "There's really not much to talk about; I'm a gimp and my son's ashamed of me."

Donna took a deep breath, not really in the mood to take a long trip down self-pity lane with Josh. "Jake is not ashamed of you. He's very proud of you. He just wishes some things were different. He's getting older and he's noticing things, he and his friends are talking, comparing notes as to who has the coolest Dad, stuff like that. It's just a phase, it'll pass."

"Oh God, not only am I a gimp, now you're telling me I'm not cool?" cried Josh in mock horror at the very thought.

Donna just laughed and moved to sit behind him. She pulled him back against her and leaned over to kiss the top of his head. "Oh no, you are most definitely one of the cooler Dad's in the neighborhood."

"That because of who I am now or who I was?" asked Josh quietly, as he gestured in the direction of the White House.

A sarcastic answer was forming on Donna's lips but she held it back when she realized Josh was serious. "Both," she whispered into his ear as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Yeah, I suppose. I mean, how many other Dad's have foot long scars down their chests and gimpy legs."

"And we're back to the gimpy angle." smirked Donna as she tipped his head back to look him in the eye.

Josh broke out into a grin, knowing that Donna wasn't going to let the self-pity routine last much longer. "Maybe if I went back to therapy." he mused in a voice that didn't quite relay if he was serious or not.

"Josh," she started with a sigh. "Going back to PT would be a great idea, you should have been continuing it all along. But you know you are not ever going to be back to where you were before the stroke. Like it or not, you will never drive again. And be honest with yourself, even if you hadn't had the stroke do you really think you'd still be driving. Remember you were having trouble with your right side long before the stroke. In fact Abbey and I had planned on double-teaming you that weekend and getting you to give up your license." admitted Donna.

"Really?"

"Yes. So, do I think you could benefit from PT, sure. Do I think it's going to change anything with Jake, no. If you're looking for it to change things between the two of you, you're going to be disappointed."

"I know but I think maybe I'll look into it anyway. My leg's been really stiff lately and I've just been uncomfortable."

"I know. So make a few calls on Monday. See what you can set up. You have the whole summer to focus on it."

"I think I'll do that. Well, as nice is it is sitting out here with you, if I sit on this marble step any longer I'm not going to be able to get up. What do you think about heading home?"

"Sounds good," replied Donna as she ran her fingers quickly through his hair before standing up and helping him to his feet.

They walked slowly towards the Metro station hand in hand. By the time they got back home the boys were fast asleep. They kissed them both and headed for bed.

A week later Jake turned 9. He had a small party at home for some of his friends. They played basketball in the driveway and Josh cooked hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. Over the previous week Jake's attitude had changed for the better. He cut back on the comments about his friend's fathers and wasn't so short with Josh.

Josh had talked to Dr. Conners about resuming therapy. She was surprised at his request and although pleased she did her best to keep him from getting his hopes up that he would improve much. She was more hoping that continued therapy would keep him from regressing. So she set Josh up with someone who would work with him twice a week. He was scheduled to start the day after the anniversary of the shooting.

The anniversary of the shooting brought fog and drizzle. As was usual in rainy weather Josh woke up stiff and sore. He cracked one eye open just enough to assess the weather and he pulled the quilt back up over his head with a loud moan. Donna had just come into the room from the bathroom and had witnessed his actions.

"Was that a moan of pain or pity?" she asked as she sat on the edge of the bed next to her husband.

"Both," came the reply from under the covers. "I don't wanna get up," he whined.

Donna reached over to ruffle the curls that were sticking out from under the quilt. "So stay in bed for a while. I have to go to work. You going to be ok by yourself today, Ben has to take his last exam and pick up his cap and gown for graduation."

"Donna, I'm a grown man. I can be left alone once in a while," he whined again.

Donna pulled back the covers to look him in the eye. "Call if you need anything. I love you."

"I will," he promised as he rolled over again. "Love you too."

Donna finished getting ready, got the boys off to school and checked on Josh one last time. He was sound asleep so she left 2 Tylenol and a glass of water on the night stand.

By 10 in the morning the constant ringing of the phone got Josh up. He was tempted to just let the machine pick up the calls but he knew that most of the calls would be from his friends. It was their custom to call each other on the anniversary. By noon he had already talked to Leo, CJ and Toby. Sam would call later that night, after he got home. Josh knew Jed would call later in the afternoon. Abbey was known for sending him to take a nap between 3 and 4 so Josh knew he would call around then.

After making a sandwich for lunch Josh wandered around the house for a while, finally deciding a little after 1 that maybe he should actually take a shower and get dressed. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower before taking part in another one of his anniversary rituals, examining his scar in the mirror. After 15 years it was very faded, more easily felt than seen. He hardly noticed it anymore and neither did Donna. The boys never made a big deal out of it, to them it was just a part of their Dad, he had had it long before either one of them were born. The knew vague things about the shooting, nothing specific. But Josh and Donna had talked earlier in the week about maybe telling Jake some things in greater detail. And for that Josh felt he needed a little backup. Which was why he planned on taking Jake to New Hampshire for a few days the following weekend.

The steam from the shower fogged up the mirror causing Josh to stop examining the scar. He took a long, hot shower, letting the water loosened up his right side a bit. By the time he got out, shaved, got dressed and checked his email it was almost time for the boys to come home. Ben had called right before he got in the shower to let Josh know that he would swing by and pick up the boys from school as the weather was still nasty.

Josh made a cup of tea and called Donna to check in.

"Hello."

"Hi, it's me." said Josh as he sat down on one of the stools in the kitchen.

Donna smiled and took off her reading glasses as she leaned back in her chair. "Hi. How're you feeling?"

"A little better. Just took a long shower," said Josh as he absently stirred the cup of tea in front of him.

"Phone been ringing off the hook?"

"Of course. Haven't talked to Jed yet. I'm expecting that call within the hour."

"Ben picking up the boys?"

"Yeah. I think I'll tell Jake about New Hampshire when he gets home."

"Good idea. Look, I hate to get off but I really have to run. You want to go out to dinner tonight?"

"I don't think so," sighed Josh. "I'll make something."

"You sure?" asked Donna.

"Yeah. It'll give me something to do," he replied suddenly sounding very weary.

"Josh...." sighed Donna, the tone in his voice tugging at her heart.

"I'm fine, really. I'll see you in a few hours."

"OK, I should be home by six. Love you."

"Love you too," said Josh quietly before hanging up the phone. He drank his tea and then headed to open the fridge and check out the food situation. He took out some chicken and set it in the sink to thaw before wandering out to the front porch to wait for the boys. He sat in the swing absently looking down the street. He was brought out of his fog by the sound of the van in the driveway. The boys climbed out almost before Ben put it into park. Jessie flew up the stairs and into his father's lap. Josh managed to stifle a moan as a pain shot through his back and hip.

"Sorry Daddy." said Jessie and he snuggled into his father's arms.

Jake climbed the steps and was just about to walk into the house when he remembered that day was the anniversary. He looked over at Josh, who motioned for him to join them on the swing. Deciding that sitting on the swing with his father and his brother wouldn't be the most horrible idea in the world Jake dropped his backpack on the floor with a thud and sat down. Much to Josh's surprise Jake kissed his cheek and sat down right next to them. Josh unwrapped one arm from around Jessie and pulled Jake closer. They sat there swinging for a minute or two. Through the open windows Josh heard the phone ring but made no effort to get up to answer it. A few seconds later Ben pushed the door open and held out the phone. Josh just shook his head and Ben smiled before going back into the house to take a message. 

A few minutes later Jessie climbed down and headed inside for a snack. He called over his shoulder for Jake to come with him. It was clear to Josh that Jake wasn't quite ready to go inside yet.

"Jake, you ok?"

"Yeah Dad. I was just wondering."

"About what?"

"About what it's like to get shot?" he asked quietly as he pointed to Josh's chest.

"Well, to put it into words that you're not allowed to use, 'it sucks'." said Josh with a wry smile.

"Daaad," said Jake, sounding as exasperated as only a Lyman could.

"It was horrible. I'd like to talk to you about it more. But I think you need to hear about it from some other people too. I mean, I spent the first few days after the shooting unconscious. I have a suggestion. I was going to bring this up after dinner. How would you like to go to New Hampshire with me this weekend to visit Uncle Jed and Aunt Abbey?"

"Just us, not Mom and Jessie?"

"Yeah, just us." said Josh.

"Cool," said Jake with a smile. "When do we leave?"

"How about I let you skip school and we can leave on Friday morning?"

"Great. Wait'll I tell Jessie." he said as he slid off of the swing. He took a step away and then turned back to kiss Josh's cheek. Josh grinned as he watched his son run into the house yelling for his brother.

Ben appeared in front of him a minute later with the phone and a cup of tea.

"Here, it was President Bartlet on the phone." he said as he handed the phone to Josh and put the tea down on the table next to the swing.

"You can call him Jed." smirked Josh.

"No way." laughed Ben as he headed back inside.

Josh talked to Jed for a while. They talked about Jake and they made plans for the weekend. Josh stayed outside for a while until it started to rain again.

By 10 that night the boys were asleep, Donna was reading and Josh was waiting for Sam to call.

"Why don't you just call him?" asked Donna as she peered at Josh over her reading glasses.

Josh stopped pacing the length of the bedroom. "Because." said Josh as if that explanation made any sense at all.

"OK." smirked Donna, humoring her husband.

"He always calls me...it's like tradition or something." said Josh as he resumed his pacing.

Five minutes later the phone rang. Josh grabbed it, found out it was Sam and went to take it in his study. Donna wanted to stay awake and wait for him but at 11:00 she gave up and climbed into bed.

Josh got off a little before 11:30 and wandered into the bedroom to find Donna already asleep. He kissed he cheek and pulled the covers up around her before going to change into his pajamas. Twenty minutes later, while debating whether or not to take a sleeping pill Josh fell into a restless sleep.

The sound of Josh calling her name woke Donna a little before 4. She had been unconsciously prepared for the nightmare and pulled him into her arms without even waking fully. As usually was the case on the anniversary the nightmare was a bad one. It took a good five minutes of whispered words of assurance for Josh to stop calling for her.

"Josh, open you eyes," pleaded Donna as she brushed the hair off his sweaty forehead. "Josh, listen to me." she repeated as she felt herself starting to panic. It had been a long time since Josh had had a nightmare this bad. 

Donna reached over him to turn on the bedside lamp in hopes of waking him up fully. She managed to prop the pillows up behind her and she settled Josh against her chest. He was quiet now but not awake and still breathing fast and shallow enough so hyperventilation was a real possibility.

"Joshua, please open your eyes....it's just a dream." she whispered in his ear.

Josh squirmed a little, straining against Donna's embrace. She loosened her hold a bit and tipped up his chin to see if his eyes were open. "You awake?" she asked with a sad smile.

Josh nodded a little as he struggled keep his eyes open and focus on her. "It's ok, don't try and talk yet," she said as she put her fingers against his lips. Josh put his head back down, trying to gain some control of his breathing.

"Josh, take a deep breath and hold it," coached Donna as she rubbed his back gently. He did. "Good, do it again," whispered Donna.

He held a couple more deep breaths and Donna could feel him start to relax a little. Reaching over to the nightstand Donna grabbed him a handful of tissues and the glass of water. Josh quickly wiped his face and drained the glass. He sat up cross-legged on the bed and put his head in his hands. 

"I'll be right back," whispered Donna as she patted him on the shoulder. She went into their bathroom, wet a washcloth and filled the water glass again. She was about to turn back into the bedroom when she heard a noise behind her. Jake was standing in the doorway between the bathroom and hallway. His big brown eyes were wide with fear. Donna put the glass and the washcloth on the counter.

"Jake, what's wrong?" she asked as she took him by the hand and the two of them sat down on the edge of the tub.

"I heard Daddy yelling. It woke me up," said Jake. "I wanted to come into your room but when I peeked in the door Daddy was screaming and I got scared."

Tears came quickly to Donna's eyes as she pulled Jake into a hug. It was the first time either one of the boys had ever witnessed one of Josh's nightmares.

"Daddy was having a nightmare. Have you been out in the hall ever since?"

Jake nodded and threw his arms around his mother. Donna could hear him start to sob. She gave up on trying to hold back her own tears. A few minutes later Jake sat up and looked at her. "Can I go see Daddy?"

"Sure. Why don't you to the kitchen and get yourself a drink of water while I go talk to Daddy for a minute," offered Donna.

"OK," whispered Jake as he headed down the hall to the kitchen.

Donna grabbed the water and the washcloth. Josh was curled up in the chair when she came back out. She ran the cool cloth over his face and the back of his neck. As she handed Josh the water she sat down on the ottoman and reached out to put her hand on his knee.

"Josh, Jake was in the hall when I was trying to calm you down. He's a little freaked out. He went to get a drink but I think he needs to see that you're ok."

Josh shook his head furiously.

"Josh, don't do that...don't try to hide things from him. He's not a baby anymore. You want him to know more...let's start with telling him about the nightmares."

With a sigh Josh nodded just as they heard a little knock on the door.

"Come in," said Josh, his voice still a little shaky.

Jake took one step into the room and stopped. He looked quickly at Donna and she nodded towards him. He ran across the room and flew into Josh's lap. They held each other tight for a few minutes and then Donna left them to talk. She went to the kitchen to get a drink for herself. Settling down on the stool she put her head in her hands and cried. She cried for Josh, for herself, for the fact that she could no longer protect and shield the boys from the trauma that was part of their family history. She jumped at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder.

"Donna, you ok?" asked Ben as he sat down on the other stool.

"God, you scared me,' cried Donna as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm ok. Josh had a nightmare and Jake walked in as I was trying to calm him down. I think it really scared him. He's in with Josh now. I was just giving them some time alone so I can out for a drink and I just started and think and......." her voice trailed off as more tears fell.

"It's ok. I understand. Seeing Josh in the middle of a nightmare is hard for me. Thank God they don't I don't see that very often."

"Yeah. I've gotten used to them, unfortunately," sighed Donna. "Go back to bed. We'll be fine."

"You sure?" asked Ben as he got off the stool.

Donna nodded and gave him a smile. She watched him head into his room and she silently thanked him for all his help. When she didn't hear anymore talking from her bedroom she crept down the hall to check on them. They were sound asleep in the chair. Jake was sitting in Josh's lap, his head on Josh's shoulder, his longs legs hanging over the arm of the chair. Donna stifled a chuckle. She crossed the room and managed to pick up her son and put him down gently on the bed.

"Josh....Josh, get into bed." she said as she shook his shoulder. Josh somehow woke up enough to climb into bed. Donna settled down on her side of the bed and fell back to sleep instantly.


	2. Chapter 2

By 6:15 on Friday morning Jake was outside on the swing with his suitcase and his backpack. They weren't scheduled to leave until 6:45 but he was so excited he woke up around five. Josh on the other hand, was a little slower to wake up. Donna had just shoved him into the shower as she went to start the coffee.

They pulled out of the driveway at 6:50, with Jake yelling they were going to be late. Josh just laughed at him as he sipped his coffee and scanned the headlines of the newspaper on his lap. The ride to the airport was mercifully short. Donna just dropped them at the terminal and headed to work. The flight was short, uneventful and thankfully, on time. Abbey met them at the airport in Manchester, against Josh's wishes. He would have been happy to hire a car to take them out to the farm but Abbey insisted on doing it herself.

Jed hadn't come along for the ride. Even though he had been out of the White House for over a decade he still wasn't as inconspicuous as he would have liked. So sometimes it was just easier to stay home. He had slowed down considerably in the two years since Josh's stroke. Mentally he was as sharp as ever but physically he was deteriorating. He relied on the cane all the time now instead of just during flare-ups. He had had a mild heart attack six months earlier. That had been the last time Josh had been up to New Hampshire. When it first hit the heart attack seemed to be much more serious. When Abbey called Josh to tell him about it he caught the first flight he could, just in case. But Jed rallied and was home within a week.

Jed was waiting on the porch swing when the car pulled up. As usual, Jake was out of the car the second the engine cut off. He flew up the stairs and onto the swing. Lucky for Jed he did remember to slow down a bit and he didn't jump onto the swing, instead he sat down nicely and gave Jed a big hug. Abbey gave Josh as helping hand out of the car and shooed him away when he tried to grab some of the luggage. He did manage to wrestle his backpack out of Abbey's grasp and threw it over his shoulder as he slowly climbed the steps. Jed had stood up and walked halfway across the porch to greet Josh. The two men shook hands and then embraced while Abbey stood with her arm around Jake.

They all went inside a few minutes later. Jake and Josh settled into their room while Abbey got lunch ready. After lunch Abbey and Jake went for a walk around the farm while Jed and Josh talked for a while in the study. By the time Abbey and Jake got back to the house it was almost 3:00. Jake went to the study to find his father and uncle. He found them; both were sound asleep, Jed in the recliner and Josh on the leather couch. He closed the door quietly and headed back down the hall to the kitchen.

"You find them, sweetie?" asked Abbey as she poured two glasses of lemonade.

"They're sleeping," replied Jake as he climbed up on the stool.

Abbey glanced at the clock, "I didn't realize it was so late. Uncle Jed usually rests every day between 3 and 4."

"Oh, but my Dad doesn't usually nap every day. Sometimes, but not every day." said Jake with just a hint of something in his voice.

"Well, he's had a long day already with the flight and the ride out here. You both got up early didn't you?"

"I guess," muttered Jake as he reached for the cookies Abbey set in front of him. "Why does Dad have to be different?"

"Different how," asked Abbey trying to determine just where the conversation was heading.

"You know, the cane, all the other kid's Dads drive cars and take them places."

"Your Dad doesn't take you places?" asked Abbey with a smile.

"Aunt Abbey, you know what I mean," whined Jake with just the hint of a smile.

"OK, I'll try to explain cane and things to you. Before you were born your Dad was shot, that much you know, right?"

Jake nodded and reached for another cookie.

"Well, as a result of that his right side was always a little weaker. You remember how he used the cane sometimes, even before the stroke."

"Yeah. But not all the time, just when we went out."

"That's right. And right after the shooting, well after he was recovered, he didn't use it either. But every once in a while his leg and hip would give him problems and he would limp. He always tried to hide if it was bothering him but..."

"Mom would notice anyway?" asked Jake with a true smile.

"Yeah. How'd you get to be so smart?" teased Abbey.

"I'm a Lyman." stated Jake proudly.

"That you are. Anyway as the years passed your Dad's right side got weaker and eventually he needed to use the cane more. Your mom and I were starting to worry about him driving just about the time he had the stroke."

"So even if he didn't have the stroke he still wouldn't drive?"

"Probably not."

"Oh. Did you know Dad just went back to...to TP."

Abbey just looked at him for a moment, "PT?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Physical therapy, good. Because TP is toilet paper and I'd like to think he's been using that all along." teased Abbey.

Jake gave her a typical Lyman groan accompanied by a Moss eye roll.

"OK, so he went back to PT."

"Does that mean he'll be able to drive?"

"No honey, he'll never drive again. He's accepted that and I think it's time you did too."

"I know," said Jake with a guilty edge to his voice. "But it just..."

"Sucks?"

Jake laughed, "Yeah, but I'm not allowed to say that," he explained.

"So one of the main reasons your parents hired Ben was to drive, for you and Jessie and for your Dad."

"I like Ben, he's cool. But sometimes I just wish my Dad could take me."

"Well, if you're just going to the school your Dad can walk with you. It's not that far right?"

Jake shook his head and slid off the stool to get some more lemonade.

"When Ben drives you somewhere like basketball practice does your Dad ever go along and watch?"

"Not usually." said Jake sadly.

A little light bulb went off it Abbey's head. "So it's not the driving part really, it's the fact that he's not there?" she guessed.

"I guess." said Jake shrugging his shoulders.

"You should tell him that." suggested Abbey.

"Really?"

"Yes. Jake, some of the problems the two of you are having are because you both keep things to yourselves. Neither of you is a mind reader. You have to talk to each other."

"You sound like Mom," grinned Jake.

"She's a smart lady. So why don't you go poke your head into the study and see if they're awake. If not wake 'em up. We have things to do."

Jake got off the stool and wrapped his arms around Abbey. She kissed the top of his head before he ran down the hall.

Jed and Josh were both starting to wake up when Jake knocked on the door.

"Time to get up." yelled Jake as he launched himself onto the couch next to Josh.

Jed just smirked at Josh, "Wonder where he learned to bellow?"

"His mother?" 

"I don't think so. So what are we getting up for?" asked Jed as Jake handed him his cane.

"I think we need chili for dinner." announced Jake, knowing Jed would never pass up an opportunity to make his famous chili.

"OK, then we need a trip to the store. Run down to the cottage and tell Chris that we need to make a trip into town."

"OK," said Jake quickly as he headed outside to find Chris, the driver/handyman that worked for Jed and Abbey.

Twenty minutes later Jed and Jake were on their way to the store, leaving Josh and Abbey to talk. Abbey shared a little about her conversation with Jake. Trying to get through to Josh that the fact he didn't drive had very little to do with the way Jake had been acting. It was just an "out", a convenient excuse. She told him that all Jake really wanted was to spend more time with him. Josh didn't handle that truth too well and became quite upset. Abbey assured him that things would work out. She made tea for both of them and they sat on the porch swing waiting for the shoppers to return.

Jed and Jake chatted a little while they shopped but didn't get into any heavy discussions about the shooting or anything else for that matter. Jake was happy to push the cart and to just spend time with his beloved "Uncle Jed".

When they returned to the farm Abbey was banished from the kitchen as chili in the Bartlet house was traditionally a man's job. She took her book and went downstairs to the family room to read and catch up on some phone calls.

Jed got the meat started while Josh chopped. Jake took the spices out of the cabinet and opened the cans. Forty-five minutes later the chili was simmering. Jake was wiping off the counter while Jed had his head in the fridge looking for two bottles of beer. He found them and grabbed a can of soda for Jake. The "men" went out onto the back deck and talked for a while. The long day caught up with Jake and he fell asleep curled up on a deck chair.

The smell of the chili brought Abbey upstairs a while later. She peeked into the large pot before going out the sliding door to the deck.

"I hope you didn't add anything, Abigail." warned Jed as he held out his hand to her.

"I wouldn't dream of it." she said as she settled down on the arm on Jed's chair. "He been asleep long?" she asked as she nodded towards Jake.

"About 20 minutes ago. He fought it for a while." said Josh.

"And I wonder where that comes from?" smirked Jed, recalling the numerous times Donna fought with Josh to get some rest after the shooting and after the stroke.

"OK, yes, Jake is a lot like me. Could we not focus on the bad habits he got from me." said Josh in mock exasperation.

"Anything you say. How much longer until dinner?" Abbey asked Jed.

"Not long, you making corn muffins?"

"You want them?"

"My chili's not complete without them," teased Jed.

"Flatterer," she whispered as she kissed his cheek and got up to go into the kitchen to make the requested muffins.

Dinner was enjoyable, with no conversations about shootings, strokes or canes. Jed had wanted to talk to Jake but it was apparent that Jake wasn't going to be awake much past 9. They made plans to talk in the morning. Abbey went to her own study to get some notes ready for a speech she was giving the next week. Jed and Josh headed for the study to watch CNN and smoke cigars.

"Josiah open the window in there," yelled Abbey as she turned into their bedroom.

"Yes dear," he replied.

The next morning Jake was up with the sun. He rolled over in his bed and looked across the room towards the other twin bed. Josh was still sound asleep, snoring softly. Jake crept out of bed, threw on his sweatpants, pulled the quilt back up over his Dad and headed down the stairs. Jed was already sitting at the kitchen counter eating toast and drinking his coffee.

"Morning Uncle Jed."

"Morning Jacob. You want some coffee?" teased Jed.

"No, yuck. I'll have juice." he said as he opened the fridge.

Jake got himself some juice and poured a bowl of cereal. Jed finished the toast and then stuck his head in the cabinet looking for something.

"Uncle Jed, what are you doing?" asked Jake around a mouthful of Corn Flakes.

"Looking for the donuts. And here they are," he said as he tossed to box of chocolate covered mini donuts on the counter. He and Jake ate over half the box before Abbey wandered into the room and took them away. She looked at Jed as if to ask him if he had talked to Jake yet. He shook his head as he poured himself another cup of coffee.

"Jake, how about we go into the study for a chat."

"Sure," said Jake with a shrug of his shoulders. Abbey handed him another couple of donuts as he slid out of his chair.

Jed walked down the hall with him and closed the door behind them.

"So you want to talk about my Dad?" asked Jake.

"If you want to. We can talk about whatever you feel like." replied Jed, trying to make Jake feel comfortable enough to open up.

"I asked him what it was like to get shot." said Jake quietly as he sat down on the window seat and took a bite of his donut.

"What did he say?" asked Jed as he leaned against his desk.

"He said it sucked and that I should talk to you. He doesn't really remember."

"I didn't think he would remember much. He was basically unconscious for a few days afterwards. You know I was shot too, right?"

Jake nodded as he crumpled up his napkin and tossed it into the wastebasket. "Did it hurt?"

Jed took a deep breath, "Well, I can't speak for your Dad, but in my case, no it didn't hurt. I didn't even know I was shot until I was in the limo on my way back to the White House."

"Wow. Weren't you bleeding?"

Jed laughed a little. "Yeah I was. The bullet went in here and out here," he said pointing to the general areas on his shirt. "But I had my jacket on and we didn't see the blood at first."

"How come my Dad's scar is bigger?"

"Well, the bullet didn't come out. The doctors had to go in and take it out. Your Dad was hurt much worse than I was. I was home in a few days. He spent almost 4 weeks in the hospital. Your Mom took good care of him after he got home."

"Mom says that's when they fell in love. But they didn't realize it." said Jake with a grin.

Jed just smiled as he pushed himself away from the desk and sat down on the window seat with Jake. "Anything else you want to know?"

"Why did Dad get shot? I mean, you were the President so that's why you were shot, right? But Daddy wasn't that important, so why did he get shot?"

Jed took a deep breath before he answered that question. It was one he and Josh had talked about on the phone the previous week. Josh wanted Jake to know the truth but didn't think he would be able to tell him without falling apart. And Josh Lyman worked very hard at hiding the fact that he was more vulnerable than most people thought. 

"The people who shot us weren't aiming for us."

"Who..."

"The were aiming for Charlie."

"Why?"

"Because he was dating Zoey. The people didn't like to see a black man with a white girl, so they took a shot at him and missed."

"That's stupid. Zoey and Charlie love each other. It doesn't matter what color people are." said Jake with all the innocence of a 9 year old.

"That's right, to most people it doesn't matter. But to these people it did."

"Why don't Mom and Dad talk about it."

"Well, it was a very difficult time in their lives and they want to shelter you from it."

"But I'm not a baby. I can handle it."

"Your parents are starting to realize that but unfortunately they aren't handling it very well. Which is why you came up here this weekend."

"I know that. They think I don't know things, but I do." said Jake quietly.

They were quiet for a minute as Jed watched Jake. He could see why it was hard for Josh and Donna to wrestle with the fact that as mature as Jake was, he was still just a little boy. On one hand he was wise beyond his years, as one would expect from a child with Moss and Lyman genes; but on the other hand there he was sitting in front of Jed, playing with a loose string on his sweatpants, the remains of a chocolate donut on his face. Jed smiled as he realized what a combination of his parents Jake really was. His hair was as unruly as Josh's and as blond as Donna's. He had Josh's brown eyes and Donna's fine features. The stubborn streak came from his parents, as did his determination and outstanding verbal skills. He was smart, wise and prone to dive headfirst into things like his father. But all those qualities couldn't shield him from the horror that his parents had endured all those years ago. It was time for him to know more, to try and understand.

"Uncle Jed....Uncle Jed," repeated Jake.

Jed shook the cobwebs from his head and turned his full attention back to Jake. 

"Sorry, I was just thinking," said Jed as he ran his hand over his face.

"Why doesn't Daddy talk about any of this?"

"It's hard for him. For a long time afterwards he didn't talk about it. And he got himself in trouble. Now I guess he just wants to forget about it."

"But he can't forget it."

"No, he can't. But what makes you say that?"

"Last week I saw him..."

"Saw what?" asked Jed as he motioned to Jake to scoot across the window seat and sit next to him.

"Something woke me up and I went downstairs. I heard Daddy yelling for Mommy. He was having a nightmare. I got scared and stayed in the hall for a long time," said Jake quietly as he wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

Jed put his arm around Jake and pulled him closer. "I can imagine how you felt. I saw him have a nightmare once on Air Force One."

"So he can't forget, the nightmares keep reminding him." said Jake as he sniffed a little.

Jed reached into his back pocket and handed Jake a handkerchief. "I guess they do."

"Uncle Jed, I was talking to my friends a while ago. They were making fun of my Dad cause he uses a cane and stuff. I didn't really make fun of him too but I didn't stick up for him. That's not right, he's my Dad."

"Yeah."

"And then I was a pain at home. I said some things I shouldn't have and Daddy heard me. He didn't even yell at me. Why not?"

"Well, you want the honest answer?"

Jake nodded against his chest.

"He was too hurt by what you had said."

And that caused the floodgates to open and the tears to pour out. Jake sobbed in Jed's arms for a good ten minutes. Finally Jed kissed the top of his head and tipped Jake's chin up so he could look him in the eye. The boy's brown eyes were still filled with tears, as were his own blue eyes.

"I never meant to hurt him," cried Jake.

"I know. And your Dad knows that. This is so hard for all of you. You should be out playing basketball, not sitting here listening to what things were like when your father was shot."

"Is Daddy still mad at me?"

"Jacob, your Dad was never mad at you, he was hurt by what you said. He feels guilty about not being able to do everything with you and your brother. But he was never mad at you about this....about other things I'm sure, but not this."

That got Jed a weak smile and half a chuckle. "What should I do?"

"Talk to him. Ask him to explain what he's been through, what he still goes through every day. Give him time, he's still not used to the idea that you're old enough to hear some of this."

"OK." Jake was quiet as he decided what to do next. "I'm going to go outside and shoot some baskets. You wanna come with me?" asked Jake as he gave Jed a quick hug.

"I'll be out in a little while. I have to talk to Aunt Abbey for a few minutes. If you see her on your way out send her in for me?"

"Sure. Bye."

Jake closed the door behind him just as Jed completely broke down. Abbey found him sobbing on the couch a few minutes later. She held him as he cried, brushing back his hair and kissing his cheek.

Meanwhile Josh had gotten up and showered. He dressed and looked out the window at the driveway as he brushed his teeth. Jake was shooting baskets, making one after another. Josh had no idea where his natural athletic ability came from. It certainly didn't come from him and although Donna was graceful she wasn't exactly athletic. The sound of someone knocking on the door caused him to tear his eyes away.

"Come in." he said as he turned to go into the bathroom to spit and rinse the toothbrush. He came back into the bedroom to find Jed standing in the spot he had just vacated, watching Jake as he had watched him. "You talk to him?"

Jed nodded. "You need to do the same. But give him a little breathing room; let him digest what I told him."

Josh nodded. He and Jed went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table for a while. Jed shared what he and Jake had talked about. Josh decided to wait until at least that night before he tried to talk to Jake. Although he had to admit that was more for his own sake than his son's. He had spent so many years putting on a brave face and hiding his emotions that he was afraid that if he let anything show he would fall apart.

The day was a beautiful spring day. Jed, Josh and Jake made a trip to the Anheuser-Busch Brewery in Merrimack. Jake wasn't all that excited about seeing how beer was brewed but the Clydesdale horses were also kept there. He was content to sit and watch them for a long time. For the most part he was pretty quiet that day. Josh didn't push him to talk, about anything.

By the time they got back to the farm Jed was in need of a nap and for once Josh was honest enough with himself to admit he needed one too. Abbey and Jake baked cookies in the kitchen and took a long walk around the property.

Dinner was hot dogs and hamburgers cooked on the grill by the former President of the United States. Josh did the supervising; making sure his burger was properly blackened. They ate out on the deck in the fading light of day. Jake polished off a hot dog, a hamburger, potato salad and two ears of corn. He excused himself and ran off to go run a few errands in town with Chris. 

Abbey, Jed and Josh sat around the table talking for a while. Josh hadn't eaten much at dinner, causing Abbey to think back over the day. She realized he hadn't eaten much at all that day.

"Josh, not hungry?" she asked as she pointed towards his plate.

Josh kind of shrugged his shoulders and glanced away quickly.

"Things not going down too well?" she asked, knowing that he still had lingering swallowing difficulties from the stroke.

"Not at all," he admitted.

"Does it still happen frequently?" asked Abbey as she shifted seamlessly into doctor mode.

"Every once in a while. Mostly when I get upset I guess," he said softly.

"You need to eat something. There's ice cream in the freezer. Want me to get you some?" she asked as she stood up.

"Abbey sit," said Josh a little harsher than he wanted. "Sorry, I'd love some, I'll get it. You want any?" Abbey shook her head. "Jed?"

"Sure, thanks."

Josh returned a few minutes later with the ice cream. Abbey started to clear the table, telling the guys to stay outside and talk. Jed talked for a while but it was clear that Josh wasn't in the mood. 

By the time Jake and Chris got back it was dark and Jake had fallen asleep in the truck. Josh woke him enough to walk him inside. He helped him out of his jeans and sneakers and tucked him into bed. Josh sat on the edge of the bed for a long time. Silent tears ran down his face at first but eventually gave way to sobs that were loud enough to be heard in the hallway.

The door wasn't closed all the way as Abbey walked by. She peeked her head in the doorway to check on Josh. He was still sitting on the bed sobbing with his head in his hands. She quietly crept in and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Josh jumped a little at her touch and tried to wipe his face quickly.

"Josh, sweetie, come on outside with me for a minute. You're going to wake Jake up." she said softly.

With a quick kiss to Jake's forehead Josh got up and walked out of the room. Abbey grabbed his sweatshirt that was on his bed. "Here," she said handing it to him as the walked down the stairs, "Why don't you go out on the swing. I'll make some tea." she offered as they walked through the kitchen.

Josh nodded and headed out the front door. When Abbey came out with the tea he was swinging slowly staring out over the property. He stopped the swing with his cane and took the mug from Abbey with a weary smile. The sat there in silence for a while, sipping the tea and swinging.

"So Jake tells me you went back to PT." said Abbey, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah, last week." said Josh, his words clipped short.

Getting Josh to talk was shaping up to be rather difficult Abbey thought to herself. "What made you decide to go back?"

"I've been stiff and uncomfortable. I thought it might help a little. Don't worry, I have no illusions that if I go to therapy I'll be able to drive and play one on one in the driveway with Jake."

"Good," replied Abbey as she patted his hand. "So how's it going?"

"OK I guess, I've only gone twice so far."

"Give it some time. And don't worry Jake has no illusions that you'll be able to drive either."

"Oh, I wasn't sure. I have no idea what he thinks most of the time."

"That's because you don't talk to him enough."

"Abbey, please, we already had this conversation once this weekend. I can't do it again." he said his voice close to cracking.

Abbey quickly changed gears. She didn't mean to get him upset but she just got so frustrated with him at times. Josh handed her the empty mug and pulled his hands into the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

"You cold?" she asked, as she turned sideways on the swing to get a better look at him.

"A little," he muttered with a shrug of his shoulders.

Always the doctor Abbey reached to feel his forehead. He was a little warm but nothing to get worried about. "Why don't you take some Tylenol and go to bed."

"I wouldn't sleep. But Tylenol would probably be a good idea." he sighed as he stopped the swing with his cane.

"I'll get it, stay here." she offered as she put her hand on his knee to keep him on the swing.

Abbey returned a few minutes later with 2 Tylenol, a glass of water, a quilt and the phone. "Here, take these. And why don't you give Donna a call."

Josh took what she handed him. "Thanks, for everything." he said quietly.

"You're more than welcome. Try and get some sleep. I left a sleeping pill on the windowsill in the kitchen if you need it." she said as she leaned over, brushed back his hair and kissed his forehead. "It'll work out sweetie, you'll see." she whispered as she stood up.

Josh gave her a sad smile before popping the pills in his mouth. He talked to Donna for a long time on the phone. Then he curled up on the swing and just stared at the stars for a while. Sometime around 2 he got up stiffly and went inside to go to bed.

By the time Josh got up the next morning Jed and Abbey were already on their way to Mass. He found Jake eating a bowl of cereal on the deck.

"Morning Jake," yelled Josh through the screen door as he poured himself a cup of coffee and took his pills.

"Hey Dad."

Josh got himself a bowl of cereal too and sat down next to his son. They ate in silence for a while. Josh tried to think of a way to bring up what needed to be brought up. But that was part of the problem; he wasn't sure what they needed to talk about. He just knew they needed to talk.

"Can we go look in the barn?" asked Jake as he lifted up his cereal bowl to his mouth to drain the milk.

"For what?" asked Josh, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Snakes," said Jake excitedly.

Josh shuddered a little. "Sure, go get your sneakers on while I finish my breakfast."

Fifteen minutes later, against his better judgment Josh was in the barn with Jake. He wasn't really making an effort to look for snakes but Jake sure was. Josh settled down on an old farm wagon and watched as Jake pulled out every hay bale and box in his quest for a snake.

"Jake, why don't you stop for a minute? I think we need to talk." said Josh as he pointed to a chair in the corner.

Jake dragged it over and sat down backwards on it resting his chin on his folded arms. Josh just laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"That's how I always used to sit out here, backwards on the chair."

"But you had your feet on the chair cause you were afraid of the snakes, Aunt CJ told me that story." teased Jake.

Josh laughed at the memory. "Yeah, I did." He looked around the barn and out the door, anywhere but directly at his son. "So you talked to Uncle Jed yesterday?"

Jake nodded as little tears quickly formed in his eyes. He got off the chair and climbed up to sit next to Josh. They sat there side by side, kicking their heels against the wooden frame of the old hay wagon. 

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I guess. I asked him what is was like to be shot. He said it didn't hurt when it happened, he didn't even know. Did you know?"

Josh took a deep breath and pushed back the feelings of panic that started every time he talked about that horrible night. "Yeah, I knew. I was thrown up against a fence by the crowd. I heard the shot and felt a pain right here," he said as he pointed to the spot low on his ribcage where the bullet wound was. "I put my hand there and it came back bloody. I staggered to a wall and slid down." Josh stopped to take a deep breath and to look at Jake. He was sitting cross-legged in front of Josh; eyes wide open, hanging on Josh's every word.

"Did somebody see you bleeding?"

"I guess not. It was very crowded and people were screaming and police were everywhere." 

"Who found you?"

"Uncle Toby," said Josh as he closed his eyes and saw the look on Toby's face that still haunted his dreams. "He found me and called for help. That's really the last thing I remember but I've been told I was talking as they brought me into the hospital."

"What do you remember next?"

"I remember waking up in the recovery room. Uncle Leo and Uncle Jed were there. I remember the feeling of Uncle Jed running his fingers through my hair. The doctors were trying to wake me up but I was so tired I didn't want to. I mumbled a few things and they let me go back to sleep."

"When did Mom come see you?"

"As soon as they would let her. She stayed with me a lot those first few days. I don't remember much. It hurt so bad that they gave me a lot of drugs."

"And that's when you fell in love with her."

Josh smiled and pulled Jake closer to him, "Yeah that was when we fell in love, but we didn't do anything about it for a long time. We couldn't, Mommy worked for me and well, it just wouldn't have been right."

"Did it take a long time to get better?"

"Months. Once I got home your Mom basically moved in and set up a bunch of rules. Kind of like the rules she set up when you had your tonsils out."

"She gave you rules? But you were a grown up." said Jake, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"That didn't really matter to her. So anyway, yeah, it took a long time to get better. And after I was better physically I still had to get better emotionally. I didn't do a good job at that and well, see this scar," he said as he held up his hand for Jake to see, "I put my hand through a window cause I couldn't stop from hurting."

"Does it still hurt?" asked Jake as he ran his finger over the scar on Josh's palm. He suddenly sounded even younger than his 9 years.

"My hand, no. But other things do. A lot. Some things hurt from the shooting, some hurt from the stroke and some things hurt from both."

"Like what?"

"My hip and back hurt most days. It's worse when it rains or when I get too tired. Every once in a while something pulls in my chest. My right hand is stiff and sometimes I have trouble writing. You know how I don't always feel like eating and Mommy yells at me for being too skinny."

"Yeah."

"Well, sometimes it's hard to swallow. It feels like stuff gets stuck in my throat. Then I don't feel like eating."

"But then Mommy makes soup and buys lots of ice cream." said Jake with a grin.

Josh nodded, "That's right. There are also times when I have nightmares and times when I just seem to panic for no reason. You haven't seen much of that, I try my best to hide that part of me from you."

"Why? I'm not a baby. I just turned 9."

"I know. I guess I shouldn't try to hide so much," sighed Josh "Is any of this helping you to understand...understand me, I guess."

Jake nodded, "I think so. But I have something to say." he said quietly. He tried his best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry you heard what I said in the kitchen that day....and I'm sorry I hurt you." cried Jake as he wrapped his arms around Josh.

Josh held him tight and kissed the top of his head. "It's ok," he whispered into the unruly blond curls.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." sniffed Jake as he wiped his nose on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

Josh rolled his eyes as he dug in his pocket for a handkerchief. "Here," he said handing it to him. "Do you get mad when Ben has to take you places?"

"Not mad really. I know you can't drive and play outside with us. But sometimes...sometimes I just wish you were....normal."

His phrasing took Josh by surprise, but he understood quickly that was a nine year old's way of best expressing how he felt.

"Well, as you mother will tell you, I've never been normal, before or after the shooting, the stroke or anything else.

"Daaad," whined Jake.

"OK. I don't usually go with you when Ben takes you because I didn't think you wanted me to go. I thought that you would rather...I don't know how to put it."

"Hide you away?" said Jake showing once more wisdom beyond his years.

Josh chuckled, "Something like that."

"I think I want you to come with me. Most of my friends have Dads that work all the time and they never see them. You don't work all the time and I still don't see you much. I miss you."

That statement hit Josh like a ton of bricks. He fought as hard as he could to keep the tears from coming but was not successful. And for the first time ever he felt free enough to show some emotion in front of Jake. They sat together and cried, the line between who was comforting whom was blurred almost instantly. As Jake rested his head on Josh's shoulder he saw some movement in the hay over by the far wall. He wiped his eyes and untangled himself from Josh's embrace.

"Shah," he said quietly as he put his finger to his lips. He crossed the room with as much stealth as a 9-year-old boy could have. In one quick motion he reached down in between two bales of hay and stood up with a foot long garter snake. Josh was doing his best to act like an adult about the situation. But when Jake crossed the room to hand him the snake he backed up, tripping over the chair. Luckily he did land in a pile of hay but unfortunately he managed to hit his head on the chair on the way down. Jake ran to his side, snake still in hand.

"I'm ok," muttered Josh as he struggled to his feet. "Just stay over there with that thing." 

Jake handed Josh his cane and walked to the other side of the room. "He's just a garter snake Dad, there's nothing to be scared of," he teased.

"Whatever, just keep it away from me," muttered Josh as he rubbed the back of his head. A nice lump was already forming there.

"I'm just going to take him down by the pond and let him go."

"Good idea. I'm going back to the house. Don't be too long, we need to pack our stuff up and head out soon."

Jake smiled and took a step towards Josh to give him a hug. Josh waved him off saying, "I'll hug you later."

With a broad smile on his face Jake ran out of the barn and down the dirt path to the pond. Josh walked slowly back to the house. Abbey was waiting for him on the porch. He sat down heavily on the swing and tossed his cane aside.

"You ok?" she asked quietly.

Josh nodded and then went to rest his head on the back of the swing. "Owww." he said as his hand flew up to his head.

"What happened?" asked Abbey as she moved his hand and felt the back of his head.

"Nothing, it's too embarrassing?"

"As bad as riding a bike into a tree?" asked Jed from the doorway.

"Yeah, let's just say it involved a snake, a chair and some tripping on my part." he groaned.

"I'll get an icepack."

"So?" asked Jed as soon as Abbey had stepped into the house.

"We talked, we cried. I explained a lot of the physical stuff. I think he understands some things better. He's growing up and it's time for me to stop hiding everything from him. He's strong like his mother and I need to remember that.

"He's strong like both his parents. Don't you forget that son." said Jed as he patted Josh on the knee.

"Thanks."

Abbey came out with an icepack and a couple of Tylenol for Josh. The three of them talked for a while. Eventually Jake wandered back from the pond and joined them. Jed and Abbey told Jake tales of Josh and Donna from their days in the White House. Josh managed to sneak in a few stories about Jed and Abbey too.

All too quickly the weekend had come to an end and Josh and Jake went in to finish packing. The goodbyes were tearful, as usual. Every time Josh left the farm he had a nagging feeling it would be the last time he saw Jed. But he had had that feeling for years now and by the Grace of God, it hadn't come true. The flight home was uneventful. By the next morning they had slipped back into the normal routine of the Lyman household.

A few things changed here and there in the following weeks. Josh made an effort to be around more when the boys were home. He went with Jake to practice and even shot free throws in the driveway after dinner. Talk of other boy's fathers decreased and Jake seemed proud to have Josh around. 

He didn't know if it was as a result of having gotten some things off his chest or from something totally unrelated, but Josh's panic attacks and nightmares decreased over that summer. He continued the PT and got back a little strength in his right side. Still he knew he would never be back to where he had been before the stroke. He accepted that and so did Jake, like father, like son.


End file.
